150 Roasts to Say to a Bully That’ll Leave Them Speechless

Dealing with bullies is never easy, but a witty, well-timed roast can turn the tables and give you the upper hand. “Roasts to say to a bully” are clever, humorous, and often empowering comebacks that diffuse tension while showing that insults cannot bring you down. These responses range from lighthearted jokes to sharp sarcasm, playful teases, and clever wordplay, ensuring you’re prepared for any situation. Beyond humor, understanding the psychology of bullying and when to ignore or respond strategically can make these comebacks even more effective. With 150 of the best roasts categorized for easy use, you’ll never run out of ways to stand up with style and confidence.

Best Roasts To Say To A Bully

Lighthearted Jokes

1. “Thanks for your opinion, but I didn’t order a life lesson today; maybe next time bring a proper refund slip.”
2. “Wow, your insult was almost cute, like a tiny puppy attempting to bark, but it still isn’t scary.”
3. “I’m genuinely flattered that you think about me enough to make jokes; you must have a very busy imagination.”
4. “Are you always this charming, or is today just a special audition for an ongoing comedy school program?”
5. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both clearly be wrong, and I value my sanity far too much.”
6. “I see you’ve set aside precious time just to humiliate yourself; it must be exhausting keeping up that routine.”
7. “I’m not insulted at all; I’m genuinely entertained. Thanks for keeping my laughter streak alive throughout this afternoon consistently.”
8. “It’s amazing how much effort you put into saying absolutely nothing valuable, creating impressive skill in meaningless verbosity repeatedly.”
9. “I’m not mocking you; I’m simply applauding your remarkable commitment to being consistently unremarkable in every single way possible.”
10. “Your jokes are much like paper airplanes — they fly nowhere, yet somehow always keep coming back annoyingly over time.”

Read More: Comebacks for When Someone Makes Fun Of You.

Sharp and Sarcastic Roasts

1. “I’d love to see the world from your perspective, but sadly my neck can’t physically bend that far ever.”
2. “You have an incredible gift for making everyone around you question why humans even evolved past pure ignorance consistently.”
3. “It’s genuinely scary that people like you are allowed to vote; clearly, evolution took an unexpected coffee break entirely.”
4. “Your insults are impressive in exactly the same way a flat tire is impressive to a speeding car.”
5. “You must be a magician, capable of turning ordinary conversations into awkward, cringe-worthy situations with every single word you utter.”
6. “I’m not insulting you; I’m merely providing insightful commentary on the chaos your existence consistently seems to create for everyone.”
7. “If I truly wanted to listen to nonsense, I’d follow a squirrel instead of you, at least it’s cute.”
8. “Your logic is much like decaf coffee — weak, utterly disappointing, leaving everyone around you questioning why they even tried.”
9. “I’d call you a tool, but even tools serve a purpose, which you clearly have consistently failed to achieve.”
10. “Your personality is just like a persistent software bug — unnecessary, annoying, and universally disruptive to anyone nearby consistently.”

Playful Insults

1. “You’re so unique, it’s amazing how consistently average and completely unremarkable you manage to remain in every situation imaginable.”
2. “I’d slap you, but animal cruelty laws clearly prohibit punishing someone for trying this hard, so I must abstain.”
3. “You must have been born on a highway because that seems precisely where the most unfortunate accidents truly thrive daily.”
4. “If ignorance truly is bliss, you are living proof that happiness can often be highly overrated and far too widespread.”
5. “Your face could easily make onions cry, showing an unintentional display of emotional power that nobody ever asked for really.”
6. “I’d insult you, but nature already did it far better than I ever could, so congratulations on that success.”
7. “You’re not actually stupid; you just experience thinking in life as if it were a completely random lottery draw constantly.”
8. “You have more faces than Mount Rushmore, yet sadly none of them ever manage to express genuine brilliance or intelligence.”
9. “You’re so ugly that mirrors apologize every morning for reflecting your image back without consent, warning, or any prior notice whatsoever.”
10. “I’m not saying you’re useless, but your presence is entirely optional, and everyone definitely notices whenever it happens to disappear.”

Verbal Comebacks for Everyday Situations

1. “Oh, I didn’t realize your day was so empty that mocking others was a hobby.”
2. “I’d respond, but I think your level of comprehension might need a manual first.”
3. “Thanks for the advice, I’ll be sure to consult it when ignorance becomes trendy again.”
4. “I appreciate your concern, but I prefer learning from people who bring value, not drama.”
5. “Your attempt to insult me was cute, like a kitten trying to roar, bless its heart.”
6. “I’m busy today, maybe tomorrow I can pay attention to meaningless commentary once again.”
7. “I’m impressed by your dedication to nonsense, truly a masterclass in wasted effort.”
8. “You’re a reminder that some people are walking cautionary tales for common sense.”
9. “I’d take your opinion seriously if it weren’t so spectacularly irrelevant to reality.”
10. “Please continue, I love seeing the creative ways people fail at being coherent.”

Humor as a Defense Mechanism

1. “I’m laughing at your joke, not because it’s actually funny, but because I genuinely can’t believe you said it.”
2. “Your attempt at roasting me is genuinely adorable, like a small child desperately trying to lift a full cup.”
3. “You bring joy mostly because everyone laughs uncontrollably at your failed attempts to insult me with any seriousness.”
4. “If laughter truly is medicine, then your constant insults are the perfect prescription for daily amusement and entertainment.”
5. “I’m smiling, not insulted; your words are like a comedy show accidentally performed in the wrong theater entirely.”
6. “You must be exhausted making people giggle unintentionally; congratulations on being an unintentional living meme every single day.”
7. “I didn’t hear an insult, just a creative attempt to turn ordinary air into awkward and amusing tension.”
8. “Your words are harmless enough that they could be sold as stress relief therapy for everyone nearby effortlessly.”
9. “Thank you sincerely for reminding me why humor, laughter, and wit are always far superior to aggression or insults.”
10. “I’m entertained, educated, and slightly concerned simultaneously, all thanks to your spectacular nonsense and unintentional contribution to comedy.”

Clever Retorts for Mean Comments

1. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the crayons required for your comprehension level.”
2. “Your logic is impressive… if we were in a parallel universe where nonsense is truth.”
3. “I see what you tried there, clever, but try again when imagination meets skill.”
4. “You remind me that education matters, especially when avoiding a lifetime of awkward commentary.”
5. “I’d love to debate you, but we’d need a translator fluent in nonsense first.”
6. “Your arguments are like balloons, full of hot air and doomed to pop quickly.”
7. “I’m not questioning you, just highlighting how remarkable ignorance can be when persistent.”
8. “You have a talent for confusing people… especially yourself, but keep trying.”
9. “Your point is noted, but irrelevant, like a bookmark in an empty book.”
10. “I’d acknowledge your intelligence if it existed, but alas, imagination fails me today.”

Indirect Insults and Irony

1. “I’d call your comment insightful, but that would require stretching reality far beyond what anyone could reasonably imagine today.”
2. “Your joke is supposedly original, yet it almost convinces people you thoroughly researched how to fail at everything consistently.”
3. “I’m genuinely impressed by how you manage to make constant noise without ever contributing anything remotely meaningful or helpful.”
4. “Your feedback is truly invaluable, like a sunroof installed in a submarine — fascinatingly useless and entirely impractical everywhere.”
5. “Thanks for sharing your thoughts; it’s amazing how someone can speak so much yet never add any clarity.”
6. “You should seriously teach sarcasm classes, as you clearly practice unintentional irony every single day without fail consistently.”
7. “I’ll remember your advice only when I need perfect examples of exactly what not to do ever again.”
8. “It’s remarkable how your words manage to be simultaneously loud and irrelevant, forming a truly paradoxical experience for everyone.”
9. “I admire your consistency in confidently saying completely wrong things; your performance is almost motivational in its sheer absurdity.”
10. “Your mimicry of reasoning is so impressive it almost seems like actual understanding is happening, though it clearly never does.”

Situational Responses

1. “I’d love to talk now, but I’m busy pretending your words don’t matter.”
2. “Your timing is impeccable, arriving exactly when I needed an excuse to laugh.”
3. “I’m honored by your attention, though I’d prefer it directed to someone who cares.”
4. “Your comment is perfect… if the goal is to confuse an entire room simultaneously.”
5. “I appreciate your effort, timing is everything, and yours is… memorable.”
6. “Next time, practice patience; hasty insults rarely hit with precision or style.”
7. “I’ll respond when appropriate, currently enjoying the comedy of your misguided words.”
8. “The situation calls for laughter, thank you for making it easy to comply.”
9. “I’ll choose my reaction carefully, because responding too soon might require actual effort.”
10. “Perfect timing! Just when I thought boredom would win, your nonsense saved the day.”

Psychology Behind Bullying

1. “Your words clearly suggest deep insecurities, as bullying often serves to mask personal struggles that most people cannot see.”
2. “You mock others constantly because facing your own flaws feels far too uncomfortable; self-reflection is undeniably hard work always.”
3. “Insults are almost always projections, revealing far more about the person delivering them than the intended target ever.”
4. “I notice your repeated attempts to belittle others, a common behavior among those who clearly lack self-confidence regularly.”
5. “Bullying is usually a desperate cry for attention, cleverly disguised as harmful commentary meant to hurt others emotionally.”
6. “Your humor often functions as a defensive mechanism; people tend to insult when their own lives feel out of control.”
7. “Mockery acts as a mask for personal insecurities; understanding this pattern helps us respond calmly and wisely instead.”
8. “You project your own flaws onto others that you haven’t yet accepted yourself, demonstrating a classic behavioral pattern consistently.”
9. “Your negativity frequently signals internal frustration, not a reflection of my own worth, value, or personal capabilities at all.”
10. “Bullies often seek validation through constant insult, which is why ignoring them sometimes proves far more effective than responding.”

Ignoring vs. Responding

1. “I could respond, but silence ultimately speaks far louder than your weak, feeble attempt at humor or cleverness today.”
2. “Ignoring you is far easier than trying to explain why complete nonsense isn’t worth anyone’s time or attention ever.”
3. “I’ll choose to ignore your remarks; some lessons are far better taught through absence rather than endless words.”
4. “Responding may be tempting, but the priceless satisfaction of silence triumphs over triviality or meaningless provocation always.”
5. “Ignoring you allows others to witness the futility of your efforts, which is remarkably effective without any extra engagement.”
6. “I could reply, but why waste energy when letting laughter handle the situation works far better than confrontation.”
7. “Sometimes the most effective comeback is a simple shrug, letting all your words naturally fall flat and lose meaning.”
8. “Choosing not to react demonstrates confidence clearly, sending a stronger lesson than any insult, argument, or weak commentary ever could.”
9. “I’ll remain calm deliberately, because reacting to nonsense only validates it far more than it ever deserves or merits.”
10. “Ignoring someone strategically proves some people simply aren’t worth the energy or thought required for any meaningful response at all.”

Confidence-Boosting Lines

1. “Your opinion is noted carefully, but my confidence is entirely independent and unaffected by any approval or judgment from others.”
2. “I stand tall every day while your weak words attempt to trip me, yet fail completely with graceful style.”
3. “Your insults simply bounce off me; I am armored with equal measures of humor, wit, and self-respect always.”
4. “You try to break my spirit, but resilience is built stronger than any weak, meaningless remark you attempt.”
5. “I remain fully in control of my own mood; your commentary has absolutely no power or influence over me.”
6. “Your mockery only highlights my natural confidence, serving as a reflection of strength you clearly cannot hope to achieve.”
7. “I walk completely unshaken through life while your petty words stumble uselessly in the dust long behind me.”
8. “Your negativity can never penetrate someone who values themselves above shallow, petty insults meant only to provoke temporary discomfort.”
9. “I embrace my worth fully while your futile attempts at humiliation crumble effortlessly under the weight of self-assurance.”
10. “Your roasts consistently fail because I wield laughter, intelligence, and self-assurance as unbreakable armor against every insult delivered.”

Funny One-Liners for Social Media

1. “I’d argue with you, but 280 characters could never contain all of your spectacular nonsense anyway, unfortunately for everyone.”
2. “Your comment is trending, but completely in the wrong way; humor was intended, yet somehow utterly failed to deliver.”
3. “I’d like to like your post, but comprehension seems required, and sadly, you appear to completely lack it.”
4. “Your tweet has been noted carefully; consider it a prime case study in how not to insult online.”
5. “Scrolling past your irrelevant comment is far easier than wasting time trying to explain why it makes absolutely no sense.”
6. “I appreciate your valiant effort to roast; social media always enjoys a good laugh, thanks for unintentionally providing entertainment.”
7. “Your words go viral, but only for the wrong reasons, ironically entertaining everyone else while failing to convey substance.”
8. “I’d respond to your post, but brevity and wit combined cannot possibly salvage certain online disasters that are ongoing.”
9. “Your post is memorable, mostly because it perfectly embodies repeated nonsense, a continuous reminder of how absurd social media can be.”
10. “Thanks for sharing that; I needed an example illustrating why social media absolutely requires filters and careful moderation today.”

Creative Wordplay

1. “You’re a punctuation mark in life’s long sentence: completely unnecessary, oddly placed, and somehow making everyone else question the grammar.”
2. “Your logic is much like expired milk — sour, confusing, and best avoided whenever anyone wants clarity or peace.”
3. “You’re like a Wi-Fi signal in the middle of nowhere, constantly weak, unreliable, and endlessly frustrating to everyone nearby.”
4. “Your arguments resemble a broken pencil: completely pointless, oddly persistent, and serving only to annoy anyone listening around you.”
5. “You’re a software bug in normal conversation, causing chaos while pretending to function like you actually know what you’re doing.”
6. “Your wit is like decaf coffee, trying desperately to energize but leaving every single person disappointed and questioning life choices.”
7. “You’re a plot twist that nobody asked for, completely confusing, irrelevant, and somehow leaving everyone wishing you hadn’t appeared.”
8. “Your reasoning is like a paper boat in a storm, floating aimlessly, lost, and ultimately leaving zero meaningful impact anywhere.”
9. “You’re a shadow of logic, always following it around, yet never contributing any actual substance, guidance, or value to conversation.”
10. “Your personality resembles a typo in a textbook: noticed, distracting, unintended, and somehow memorable for all of the wrong reasons.”

Top Comebacks

1. “You bring everyone joy whenever you leave the room; truly a rare, accidental talent that few people possess today.”
2. “Your face reminds me daily that God clearly has a wonderful sense of humor, thankfully still intact somewhere.”
3. “If laughter is truly the best medicine in life, your very presence delivers an entire full prescription effortlessly.”
4. “I’d explain it to you carefully, but we’d definitely need a full manual just to cover your confusion.”
5. “Your insults are like passing clouds; they disappear quickly, leaving behind nothing but sunshine and happiness for everyone.”
6. “I’m completely entertained and not offended at all, thanks for keeping humor alive unintentionally in every awkward moment.”
7. “Your jokes are like training wheels on a bicycle — mostly unnecessary, but somehow slightly helpful at rare times.”
8. “I’d agree with everything you said, but that would require drastically lowering standards for both of us completely.”
9. “You’re honestly the reason why middle fingers exist; your contribution to humanity is ironically unmatched and unforgettable forever.”
10. “I’d call you completely clueless, but even clueless people occasionally experience brief moments of insight unlike your consistent self.”

Read More: Best Comebacks “When Someone Insults Your Looks“.

Handling Insults

1. “Take a deep breath before responding; bullies often feed on your anger far more than your words.”
2. “Consider the source of insults carefully — they usually reflect personal insecurities rather than diminish your actual value.”
3. “Use humor when responding to defuse tension effectively while keeping full control of the conversation and situation.”
4. “Sometimes silence is the strongest response; your calm absence speaks far louder than any words you could say.”
5. “Select comebacks that genuinely empower yourself, instead of focusing solely on humiliating or putting down the other person.”
6. “Avoid escalating conflict; strategic, thoughtful responses will help keep you safe, confident, and in complete control always.”
7. “Pay attention to bullying patterns to anticipate attacks, neutralize them efficiently, and protect yourself from unnecessary confrontation or harm.”
8. “Combine clever words with perfect timing to maximize their impact without creating unnecessary conflict or hurting anyone else.”
9. “Empathize subtly when appropriate; often bullies project personal frustrations that have nothing at all to do with you.”
10. “Always prioritize your own well-being; comebacks should serve as tools for confidence, not weapons meant to harm.”

Conclusion

Roasts To Say To A Bully are more than just clever lines — they are tools for confidence, humor, and self-empowerment. With 150 comebacks spanning lighthearted jokes, sarcastic retorts, playful insults, and strategic advice, you are fully equipped to handle insults gracefully. Understanding the psychology of bullying, choosing the right timing, and using humor strategically ensures you stay in control without escalating conflict. Remember, the goal is to defuse negativity, assert yourself, and maintain self-respect while turning uncomfortable situations into opportunities for laughter and empowerment.